Part One of a Series

It’s intentional that I’m starting this tonight (December 30th) Kate has just departed to spend the night with a lover, we’ll call him James. They cross paths a couple times a month, depending on life and scheduling. James and I have met; we’ve broken bread and shared a bed with Kate. He’s a solid guy, straight shooter, Kate and I each trust him. Kate’s been with him for a couple hours at this point, and I’ve written 1114 words so far according to Word. (also in this 2 hour chunk of time a call with my mom, a sandwich, some guitar playing, chatting with folks on SLS, and taking Clifford the Wonder Dog out. I’ve learned to keep occupied when Kate is off being Kate) Feels like this going to be at least a two part story, maybe more.

Hotwifing is a big part of our lifestyle / non monogamous journey. It’s evolutionary and has taught each of us a great deal about relationships, jealousy, honesty, communication, as well as the importance of being true to yourselves.

The Hotwife space gives her the opportunity to fully express herself sexually, in the ways she chooses to.

Here’s breaking news or perhaps a plot twist for some folks: women, maybe not all, but a damn good percentage of them, have a sexual capacity and appetite that puts men to shame. Don’t buy it? Read “Sex at Dawn” or enter “Gang Bang” into the PornHub search bar. Kate has just such appetites and capacities, a thirst for a variety of intimate one on one human contact, sexual and nonsexual. The Hotwife space gives her the opportunity to fully express herself sexually, in the ways she chooses to. It’s a beautiful thing, not something to be feared or scared of. That said, there was plenty of fear and insecurity for me to get thru along the way, as well as some for Kate.

The movie “Oppenhimer” points out a couple times that there is a considerable difference between theory and reality. I proved that to myself the first time I saw Kate walk off with another man. It wasn’t a long walk, down a hallway and into a bedroom; I stayed in the living room. Looking back at that moment now, I don’t know if that was too much into the deep end or not enough.

We had met with this guy, John, a couple weeks before and had our first threesome. While we were playing, I picked up that Kate wasn’t as into it as either of us thought she would be. This led us to the truly terrifying part of the lifestyle 🙄: having an actual meaningful conversation with your partner.

That conversation was beautiful and honest, hard and scary. Most of our big talks start on the couch; we sit facing each other all the time, we don’t have a TV. We’ll open up the big can of worms, talk about it for a bit and then move on. Over the course of a few days, we’ll circle back to the topic, having given us each time to process and think. Turned out she wasn’t comfortable with being full on sexual with someone else when I’m in the room. Cue Oppenheimer. We decided that our next date with John would be just the two of them being sexual.

During this time frame, cuckolding had drifted into our awareness. This was early in our journey, everything was new and we were trying on different things to see how they fit. We dove in and poked around, listened to podcasts, read, talked. There are some elements of cuckolding that appeal to each of us to this day. Turned out that with John we dove in too deep too fast. Predictably, some things went a bit sideways, which brought us back to the facing each other couch for more talk. At the end of the day, much of the power dynamic that seems to be essential for cuckolding isn’t something we’re interested in. Theory vs Reality. I’m sure I’ll have more to say about cuckolding going forward, but let’s leave that rabbit trail for another day.

While some elements of cuckolding and Kate solo playing with a guy didn’t work, the big ticket parts did.

Hotwifing is for sure not a space for everyone. Neither is NASCAR or gardening.

Having the space in our relationship for Kate to be her true sexual self fills my tank. There’s more than enough sexual energy from Kate to support the two of us as well as her lovers. It’s the opposite of a scarcity mindset. With Kate, and many women, it’s an abundance. I’m not losing a damn thing when she’s off with a lover. Yes, there are times in our relationship where the non-monogamy is kind of one way. This is a feature, not a bug. Knowing yourself and your partner is vital, Hotwifing is for sure not a space for everyone. Neither is NASCAR or gardening.

I have the latitude to play solo as well, tho it’s not something that I’ve pursued with a whole lot of energy. Swinging scratches my physical itch for variety for the most part. Also, honestly, does the lifestyle really need another single guy???

I’m pretty close to as big a fan of Kate being a Hotwife as she is. For me, that part goes back to being able to give her what I cant give her. James, for example, has a physicality that I just don’t. He’s a VERY fit guy, closer in height to Kate than I am, and not to put too fine a point on it, he’s well hung. Kate “Loves to fuck him”. There’s a meme out there that says “Boyfriends fuck different than husbands”. I’d argue that wives fuck thier boyfriends different too. If you’re in the lifestyle in any way, why not strive to have great sex??? Kate and James have GREAT sex.

We met James and his wife at a house party over the summer, a glow party as I recall. Anyway…Kate had noticed James early that evening and he was 100% on her radar. As the night progressed, I (not so subtly) both physically and metaphorically, nudged Kate towards him. I love the duality; she stands confident in her sexuality and her power, but is nervous about approaching a guy at the same time. It’s pretty fucking adorable. It honestly didn’t take much nudging and before long Kate made her move. Shortly after, the 4 of us were headed downstairs to the playroom.

(It’s not about taking one for the team, it’s more about being a solid wingman. James’ wife Heather and I didn’t really hit it off, not that there was anything resembling a problem, but we clearly didn’t have what Kate and James did. This is OK. Heather and I happily and readily agreed when Kate suggested we go downstairs; Heather’s a good wingman too.)

What a great playroom; a couple huge sectionals, multiple king size jumbo air mattresses, an industrial strength sex swing as the center piece, black lights etc. The energy in the room was on point, the kind where time stops and everyone is 100% in the moment. Lots of sex, lots of sounds and visuals. Kate, James and his wife split off with another couple on a sectional, I wandered off to a bed with Steph, a wonderful woman I had played with during a prior party there. Her and I get along VERY well. Despite my ever so slightly distracting circumstance, it was hard not to notice how well Kate and James were connecting. I strongly suspected we / she would be seeing at least him again.

Sure enough, next day contact was made. Kate and James coming together and starting is a story in its own right, another thread I’ll circle back to down the road. Teaser….this process ended up second only to getting sober in terms of impact on my adult self…stuff I had carried around for 30+ years came bubbling up…..

So, here’s the cast of characters as of right now in the Hotwife arena. James is her main lover, but not her only one (sounds like an old Eve 6 song….props if ya get the reference) Max is an on again off again gentleman caller, their cadence is more every other month. I haven’t met Max yet, we’re all willing, just hasn’t happened. Kate also plays solo with a couple on the reg. Chuck and Sophia are fantastic people, we all get together every now and then for a meal; we’ve met their daughter. Her original girl lover she met when I was on the ice is still a friend as well, the two of them are on a semi annual basis. Theres typically a couple guys popping up a few times a year for a romp or two, I haven’t met any of them. Additionally, we swing regularly, so, Kate’s a busy little beaver.

Well, I think that’s it for Hotwife Part 1, at least for tonight. Kate has just texted, her and James are calling it a night. That’s my cue to get some shuteye. I’m sure I’ll edit a bit in the morning, and Kate will read and make her changes when she gets back tomorrow. Busy day tomorrow (NYE 2023), hopefully I’ll get this posted.

Thanks for reading, and be kind to yourself and everyone!!