Are Fair and Equal the Same Thing?

So, there we were, downstairs at a swinger house party, in one of the all-time great play rooms. A converted basement with 3 inflatable king size mattresses, and two giant sectional couches. An industrial grade sex swing as the center piece. We’ve seen 20+ people playing down there, and there was room for more.

Tom and Carol were our hosts. We’ve been to several parties hosted by them, and they set a gold standard for house parties. Their house is perfect for such gatherings, convenient yet off the beaten path a smidge. They’re a fantastic couple, an asset to whatever group they associate with. Neither are scared to play; if memory serves Tom was the first to play with Kate at our first party there. He had just helped her into the (industrial strength) sex swing, and Kate insisted he test his work.

One of my favorite swinger memories happened later that first night seeing Kate and Carol off on a sectional playing with a Rose vibrator. They were smiling and laughing and were just beautiful together.

This was the night that my wife Kate met her boyfriend, James. We had chatted with him and his wife earlier in the evening, Kate found James to be VERY attractive; she decided that she wanted to play with him. Me being the good wingman I am, agreed we should talk with him and his wife, Heather about playing. Turned out Heather is a good wingman as well, and off we went, Kate leading the charge.

This was a summertime glow party. Kate was wearing a white dress, as blonde and tan as she could be, complete with some sun freckles on her cheeks. Kate’s celebrity doppelganger is for sure Meg Ryan, and she’s never looked as good as Kate did that night. I’ve yet to ask James about it (I will next time our paths cross) but I’d guess that he about shit when Kate approached and asked him to play.

So the 4 of us go downstairs and we grab an area on one of the sectionals. Clothes start flying off. Just as Heather was sliding into position on her knees to go down on me, a familiar face popped in. Kate and I had played with Steph at a prior party here and had quite the memorable experience. Steph being the wonderful swinger that she is, wasted no time in joining Heather between my legs.

Now, this may be a daily occurrence for some people, it damn sure isn’t for me. My sex life prior to getting together with Kate was nothing worth writing about. I did ok, and I have some stories, but Kate is by far the sexual adventurer in our relationship. So, finding myself living what’s safe to say is an upper echelon standard male fantasy, was a bit of a plot twist.

I should point out at that Kate and I brought one of our friends to the party. Ellie is a spitfire of a natural redhead, and dear close friend. None of the three of us have played together, that would be kinda weird. She’s in the lifestyle as well and is a loud and proud unicorn. Anyway, this was her first house party experience and once she warmed up to it, she was off to the races.

We’re having a great time. I’m busy living my BEST life with Heather and Steph; Kate and James are physically introducing themselves. Meanwhile, Ellie is on one of the king size beds with a pair of couples. When last I saw her, she was pretty far from suffering.

At some point, Heather and Steph knocked their heads together in a bit more than a tap that caught everyone’s attention. One thing I am good at is seizing a moment, and I fucking grabbed it…..”GIRLS!!!! CALM DOWN…..There’s enough Sam to go around” I said, loudly enough that Ellie heard it. Everyone was laughing, it was 100% a Sam and Kate moment, we’re in it for the joy, and this was a joyous moment for sure!

Yes, I, Sam, play. I swing, I have amazingly hot sex with women who aren’t my wife. I have amazingly hot sex with Kate as well. I don’t talk much about me and my adventures in this blog, chiefly because I don’t want to. I think the world has enough content that’s focused on the achievements of a man’s penis. The second big reason is that the focus of our writing here is to share with other people our experience navigating the lifestyle. Most of our navigation has been more focused on Kate than me. Plus, Kate is orders of magnitude cuter, and smells waaaaaay better too.

That said, if there’s a loose thread in the feedback Kate and I have received it’s the question of if I play or not. I do. Our relationship is equal, there’s no power exchange or anything along those lines. I’m free to fuck or date who I choose, same as Kate is. So far, it’s not something I’ve chosen to pursue with any enthusiasm. What needs I have for variety are met in the swinging space.

We’ve been doing this for just short of 5 years now. In that time, I’ve done the vast (95% or more probably) majority of online “work” for us. I harbor precious few illusions at this point about how online “dating” looks for people in the lifestyle. I don’t have the interest in playing that game as a single guy.

However, I did put a profile up on Feeld and had a little bit of success. I talked with a couple of women, and we took it to texting off site. Both died on the vine. I didn’t have the energy or enthusiasm to keep the energy up, and let’s be honest, I was far from the only option for either lady. I also had an organic texting thing with a woman I worked with. That wasn’t a great idea to begin with, and it also ran its course.

Kate and I had a nice evening last weekend with the couple we talk about in our Biggest Issues in the Lifestyle story. We all had a wonderful time and look forward to the next round. Kate and I worked thru our issue, communicated it to the other couple, and got thru it. They’re great friends, and the sex was pretty doggone fantastic.

Our marriage doesn’t fit nicely into a tidy, clearly labeled box. Honestly, how many do? One weekend we’re swinging with another couple, the next Kate is out for the night, the week after that who knows. Maybe a weekend at my brother’s or Kate’s brothers, travel to visit kids, there’s no rhyme or reason to it. Sometimes we stay home and do projects around the house. Sometimes one or more labels overlap, sometimes not.

We don’t keep score or live that way; that’s a one-way ticket to Shitshowville. Kate having solo sex with a guy (or girl) doesn’t trigger “I gotta get mine now” in me. Neither of us feel like we’re being taken advantage of by the other or taking advantage of the other. Kate and I are different people with different and complementary needs. If there’s a secret to our success as a couple that’s it right there.

We do what works for us, individually, and as a couple; it’s fair, not equitable. That Kate likes to go out and fuck or date other people and I don’t doesn’t mean anything more than that. We’re two different people. We communicate, express our wants needs and desires, and work with each other to make them happen. We compromised last week on what projects around the house will be funded this spring. We compromise on lifestyle balance.

We’re back in winter mode for a few days, was a nice balmy 22 (f) in the back yard this morning. That’s the worst cold, when it gets like that after a few days of teasing the 70’s. Kept Cliford the Wonder Dog and I off the mountain this morning, we got out this afternoon. I don’t think there’s any lifestyle chicanery on tap this weekend; family stuff and hopefully a new MacBook for me….

Anything that you’d like to see Kate and I write about in an upcoming post??

Thanks for reading!! Be kind to yourself and others!!

Sam & Kate