Plot Twist: I Think it’s Awesome.

Inspiration has come from some strange places for a couple of the stories we’ve written here. Add Temu to the list.

Kate now has something in common with the generation of men who grew up in the ‘70’s and ‘80’s. For a lot of us, the Sears and JC Penny’s catalogs were our introduction to soft core porn. I couldn’t prove it at this point, but I’d expect I lost my “virginity” to either the Sears or Penny’s catalog at some point in the mid ‘70’s.

Yesterday, Kate got to thinking about “girl sex” after looking for clothes to wear to a meditation retreat she’s going to in a couple months. The Temu models were no doubt sexy as hell. Sure enough, not long after, this played a significant part in Kate deciding to spend some quality time with her Hitachi wand. In addition to Temu, here’s a shout out to whoever invented the wand; well done, well done indeed.

When Kate “came out” to me about her bisexuality, I don’t recall it being a plot twist. It struck me as the most natural thing in the world that she’s bi. Still does. For Kate, it’s in her bones, it’s an orientation. By way of contrast, when I engage in bi play, it’s a choice and in a swinging environment. Kate loves solo play with women, I have no interest in it with men.

What was a plot twist was her story about how an ex-husband reacted when she told him. “I’ve never seen him that mad” said Kate of when she broached it with him. “We never spoke of it again”. She attributes this to his Catholic upbringing in large part. Another contributor was a prior relationship of his ended when the woman involved revealed she was a lesbian. I further think it’s just not him. We each have wiring that we’re born with, and his doesn’t include being turned on by girl sex. Mine does.

Another ex (Kate’s a “collector” according to a gay guy friend) had zero issues with her bi side. Numerous FFM threesomes were a part of that relationship. That relationship and these threesomes play a big role in our development as a couple and how we process jealousy. We’re working on that post, it’s already well past 1500 words, and may be a multi part thing.

For the most part, Kate’s bisexual side is a “her” thing and not an “us” thing. Sure, I’ve seen the stereotypical swinger girl bi play part multiple times, but that’s different. It is almost performative to an extent. That said, it’s strikingly beautiful and sensual seeing Kate and another woman touch and be touched.

I’ve never heard Kate or a woman she’s played with in that context complain about it; but there’s a missing spark. Perhaps more to the point, it’s the added energy that’s off.

The added energy being the pair of cocks that are also in the room.

Clearly, I can’t make a definitive statement here. That said, it seems that women tend to have better sex together when it’s just them. Guys cloud the energy, make it I suppose more task oriented, and less flowing. I’d guess that there are situations where this isn’t the case at all and that it’s not unheard of for girl sex to be amazing when guys are there. My limited experience has been the former is a bigger slice of the pie.

Like Kate’s other ex, mentioned earlier, I was raised Catholic. My sense is that in a lot of ways my Catholic experience was more pro forma that die hard. Yes, we never missed a holy day of obligation (what a fucking phrase that is) but the guilt and shame weren’t much of a thing in our house. My siblings agree on this point. As it happens, an actual good element of the church, Catholic Charities, played an enormous role in my life.

I’m adopted. Catholic Charities was the organization from which I was adopted. That foundational, basic fact of me is never asked about. Job applications, security clearances, no one ever asks. Being adopted has done more to fuck me up than anything else. I’m at peace with it now and hold everyone involved with an open heart. I finaly realized that to not do so was taking too great a toll on me.

My earliest memories are of my Mom and Dad showing me pictures of a Catholic nun holding me, with my parents on either side of her. This nun “gave me” to my parents. This was part of my “coming home” story. The two women in that picture were each beautiful in their own way, each pivotal for me in their own way. In time, my biological mother assumed an pivotal spot with them. Interesting that I’ve never met two of these three pivotal women.

I’ve always respected and loved women. Mixed in there is a dose of fear as well as a dose of mystery. Women kept me safe and loved me; a woman also abandoned me. This is what my thinking looked like as I rolled into puberty.

When, a little bit further into the puberty journey, I happened across my first Penthouse, it was a complete revelation that two women could interact in such a sexual way. It floored me. Seeing those two women kissing and embracing, naked as jaybirds, was profound. The mystery, eroticism, and freedom I saw on those pages, combined with the pre-teen hormones left an enormous mark on me.

For me, and I think I understand the why of this a little bit now, I’ve always found girl sex very free seeming. It’s also weirdly validating in a way. Almost the reverse of the enemy of my enemy is my friend….If the object of my desire is attracted to the object of my desire, how can I be wrong? Disregard the circularity of the argument, it made sense to my 12 year old hormone addled brain, and it still does in some ways.

The final piece of the puzzle for me is that I have a desire to give Kate what I can’t give her. I can’t be a woman, but I can give her the space to be with one (or several).

I’ve called this submissive in my head forever, but it’s not right. I’ve brushed up against the submissive side more than once, and it’s never stuck. I haven’t figured this out all the way.

Kate being bi opened the door to the swinger / ENM lifestyle for us.

Early in our relationship, Kate came to visit me when I was working in LA. California and Kate are a pretty robust match; she 100% fits the stereotypical girl next door / beach girl vibe. She took a selfie from the beach one day that trip that remains an all-time favorite pic of mine.

At this point in her life, Kate was coming back out of her shell. When the time came for her to get sober, she put a lot of her sexuality on the shelf. Given that all of her sexual chicanery to that point had elements of booze or dry goods involved, it was a rational decision when it was made. During the getting sober process, and over time, Kate came to realize that her sexuality is just who she is, it wasn’t caused by substances. Her and I getting together and working through the ethical part of ethical non-monogamy cemented this.

Kate is a yoga girl, and wanted to get a class or two in while she was visiting me. During one class, the instructor touched Kate, correcting a position. That one touch woke up Kate’s then dormant bi side. We talked about it. I discovered pretty quickly that her having sex with another woman would not bug me. We talked more. Eventually, this led to Kate getting on Tinder when I was in Antarctica. And away we go……

Thank you for reading!! Please be kind to yourself, and to everyone!

Sam & Kate