Stay Thirsty My Friends…..

I’ve discovered I like using the phrase “plot twist” in some way shape or form. It’s almost disturbing how common it is in Sam & Kate land. That said….

In what can’t be described as a plot twist to regular readers, Kate has a slutty streak that’s a mile wide. More to follow on that, first a story that’s if not slutty, slutty adjacent.

Kate’s sister, we’ll call her Sandy, is over getting her hair done at the moment. It’s great energy when they’re in a room together, I love hearing the banter between them. I’ve heard Kate talk with a lot of people while doing hair, Sandy talks have a distinct cadence and rhythm.

Back in the 80’s, when Kate was a teenager, she was hell on wheels. By all accounts she was pretty much as she is now, perhaps with somewhat less of a filter. Lock up your boyfriends, beer, and husbands; Kate’s in town. Suffice to say she had an 80’s party girl disdain for rules, a fact her parents were well aware of.

I never got to meet Kate’s dad, and only met her mom a few times before she passed. They were blue collar salt of the earth plain spoken PA people. There were no strangers in their house, and no one in the neighborhood went hungry. They were good folks.

At one point, when Kate and her were in high school, Sandy was busted at a bush party (beer in the woods) and hauled off to the police station. Bear in mind this is small town rural PA, and everyone knew everyone.

The cops called their mom and told them they had Sandy and she needed to come get her. Mom, knowing her daughters, replied “are you sure it’s not Katie?”

If you’re reading us for the first time……Kate and I are a married couple in our 50’s whose relationship is Ethically Non-Monogamous (ENM). We’re swingers, our marriage is open; we have sex with other people. We’re in a committed relationship, and somewhere on the polyamorous spectrum; Kate has a boyfriend (or two) and is a Hotwife. It’s neither of our first marriages. We met in a 12 step meeting; we’re each more than a decade sober now. If you’re curious about how this all works, we talk about our relationship in varying degrees of depth in other posts. We have an email address listed in our “about” page if you would like to contact us.

Kate, and I’m sure she won’t argue this point, has been called many things by many people over the years. Of all those things, I’m sure she’s never been called boring, uninteresting, or dull.

I was reading something somewhere recently about a person not being able to land a significant other. As I progressed thru the story, my perception of why became clear. This person was dull. They had little to say about anything other than their things and their resume. It was a thousand words or so about how wonderful and successfull they are, and how they’ve hit every measurable goal. I’d like to think that this isn’t the totality of this person, hopefully they’re wonderful and were venting as much as anything else. Still, it got me thinking about what makes someone interesting, what about a person makes another person want to spend time with them?

We’ve met a lot of people over the last several years in a dating type context. Yes, I get swinging / the lifestyle are different things with different goals, but meeting people is still meeting people. There is an advantage in the lifestyle of knowing that everyone is more or less on the same page. If we meet someone at an event, it’s clear what they’re looking and hoping for. Meeting some random person at a coffee shop or whatever, not so much.

Earlier this month, Kate and I had our first speed dating experience. It was great. 5 minutes with a couple, then rotate to the next couple. I suppose we talked with 10 couples in and hour.

The organizers gave each of us a printed out list of questions as ice breakers. Some were good, some, like “do you enjoy anal” were probably not awesome even for swingers in the first 5 minutes. There was only one couple we had to resort to the list with.

They had no curiosity. They didn’t ask any questions of us, they didn’t seem interested in understanding us as people, what made us tick, what were our motivations. Try tho we did with our questions to get something going, they didn’t return the curiosity.

Curiosity is what first drew Kate and I to each other. Well, the first thing I noticed was how gorgeous she is and her boobs. I stared long and hard at her boobs in many 12 step meetings (I wasn’t alone). Amazingly enough, I never got caught.

After a meeting one day, maybe a few weeks after I first walked in to the rooms, I saw and overheard her talking to someone on the sidewalk.

Kate is always put together, and this day the conversation I was half snooping on led me to believe that she was some high powered lawyer perhaps. Her looks already had the hooks in me, this was next level, the curiosity about who she was, that’s what started me thinking of her more as a person and less of an object.

Along the same lines, over time Kate became aware that I did similar things in the military to what her brother did. This piqued her curiosity in me. Well, that and her finding me dreamy AF.

If your curious about someone, that by default means you’re thinking about them and not just yourself. This is something that can be learned and grown as a skill. Kate’s a natural, I’ve had to work on it. (I’m much more of an asshole than she is). You being curious about someone, wait for it, in turn makes you more interesting. A self interested case for getting out of yourself.

Hand in hand with curiosity is being a little bit mysterious. I’m not saying be deceptive, but perhaps keep a card or two close to your vest to be revealed down the road.

Back to the speed dating for a moment. The two couples we had further conversation with later on in the evening had a few things in common. They were each vulnerable, unique, and authentic.

The first couple was a bit older than Kate and I and not as experienced; this was their first big swinger event. During the course of our 5 minute talk this came out, as did that the wife was sober for I think it was 34 years. We made a point of crossing paths with them later to see how the event was treating them as a couple, as well as her as a fellow sober person. We ended up talking with them a good bit, and exchanging SLS contact info.

The second couple was a bit younger than us and she revealed she had just turned 50 the week before (this was at the 50+ takeover). They were definitely among the younger looking couples, and she had an interesting look to her I thought. We sat with them for the comedy show and enjoyed their company.

You can literally be “the most interesting man in the world”, but if you stay home and don’t show up, it’s not doing anything for you. It’s like that old saying, showing up is half the battle. That’s the truth.

We’ve been ghosted more than once. We talk to people for days or weeks, make a plan to meet, with a clear invitation to play, and then the person (always a single guy) no shows. More than once they’ve texted “from the road” saying they’re on their way and will be there in 20 minutes. This is decidedly not an uncommon thing in the Hotwife / cuckold arenas. We actually think it may be some sort of kink or fetish, it’s that common.

Our friend, and loyal Sam & Kate reader, Chris, showed up. He reached out to our email address, had something to say, a question or two to ask. He’s local-ish (everything distance wise is an “-ish” in our area) so we made arrangements to get a coffee and jabber jaw. He showed up. We’ve all shared a bed, he’s been here when I’ve been at work, we’ve shared many meals together. He’s orders of magnatuide more interesting than any of the ghosts.

The second part of showing up is to be in the headspace to SHOW UP when you arrive. Our first hotel party there were two single guys who arrived within probably 10 minutes of each other. First guy worked the room, was engaging with people and receptive to being engaged with. Within probably 45 minutes he was naked as a jaybird and fucking the hostess like his life depended on it. Bachelor number 2 did the opposite. He was quiet and almost a wallflower. Good looking, clean, fit looking guy. He showed up, but he didn’t SHOW UP.

At the end of the day, think about something other than yourself, have something to say, be open and a little vulnerable; basically be a decent human. Do that, show up, and you’re in the game.

I’m finishing this up as Kate is in the kitchen putting the final touches on todays Thanksgiving dinner. Kate prepared a full meal yesterday to take on the road to my mom’s house today. Well, that changed. I’ve mentioned before that I deal with gout, today, for the first time I think this year, it flared up. I don’t think it’s going to be a horrible flare, but absolutely not drive for 3+ hours one way friendly.

It’s been a trip sharing some of life with you guys, and getting to know a bunch of you as well. From Clifford the Wonder Dog, Kate and I, regardless of if you celebrate it in your country or not, Happy Thanksgiving….we’re each thankful for all of ya!!

Thanks for reading, be kind to yourself and others!!!

Sam & Kate

PS….If you’ve made it this far, please take a moment and clap (once, or up to 50 times) for this post. It’s feedback for Kate and me, (comments and highlites are always welcome too!) and helps push the story up algorithmically. Thanks!!!