The Monogamous Part Of Us

“Uncomfortable Island” is a turn of phrase regular Sam & Kate readers may recognize. It’s the phrase we use when one of us has something to discuss we’re not thrilled about; something that’s uncomfortable. We’re very comfortable with each other on uncomfortable island, it’s been a great thing for us.

Something else regular readers may be aware of, is I am not a huge fan of talking about my sexual adventures. A nice root canal sounds more appealing.

All that said, in this post, I’m going to talk about Clifford The Wonder Dog and the ongoing war she has with The Chow Hound Cat over the smallest morsel of human dropped food.

I wish. Uncomfortable Island time for me.

If you’re reading us for the first time……Kate and I are a married couple in our 50’s whose relationship is Ethically Non-Monogamous (ENM). We’re swingers, our marriage is open; we have sex with other people. We’re in a committed relationship, and somewhere on the polyamorous and cuckold spectrums; Kate has a boyfriend (or two) and is a Hotwife. It’s neither of our first marriages. We met in a 12 step meeting; we’re each more than a decade sober now. If you’re curious about how this all works, we talk about our relationship in varying degrees of depth in other posts. We have an email address listed in our “about” page if you would like to contact us.

Given we’re empty nesters, and Clifford isn’t bothered by being shooshed out of the bedroom, or the living room, or the kitchen, there’s any number of potential opportunities for Kate and I to fuck around in a given day.

Like all couples, Kate and I have struggles with our sex life. Most are the typical mundane day in day out things; finding the energy, finding the time, finding the room in the hotel the gang bang is in. Life problems.

Since we’ve been together, Kate has crossed the menopause bridge. As anyone who’s done so, or is married to someone who’s done so knows, this is quite the adventure.

Unfortunately, there’s no shortage of women whose active sex life basically ends at menopause. Kate hasn’t had the sexual function issues that can occur with menopause; she doesn’t deal with the dryness and pain so many women do, we’re both very grateful for that fact.

She did experience a change in her sexual response, however.

Orgasm is something that while still not a stranger, does take a bit more effort to achieve now. Foreplay and toys help there, more to follow on that.

Loosely paralleling and intersecting with menopause was Kate and I transitioning from the NRE horny for each other all the time phase to whatever the next phase is called. Practically speaking, prior to these things happening, Kate was orgasmic when we had PIV sex. Not all the time, but frequently. After menopause and our relationship maturing, this stopped. Well, kindof, again, more to follow.

Something we both noticed over time is this doesn’t apply with new guys, nor with guys blessed with a more significant disturbance in the force between their legs.

Poor Kate. If only her husband were somewhere on the cuckold spectrum…..🙄

Regular readers can take an educated guess as to how those developments feed into my “give her what I can’t give her” headspace. Suffice to say, Kate getting off is more important to me than my being the one to get her off.

We’ve talked at pretty decent length about our adventures with others on the ENM spectrum, what do we do when it’s just the two of us?

I get that not everyone is going to be either interested in or have the opportunity to add layers of ENM into their relationships. This is fine, do what works best for you; Bob’s your uncle.

We do encourage couples to explore sex toys. They’re for sure not as big a reach as adding people to a relationship, and their impact can be profound.

Kate’s toy preferences lean more the external vibrators than penetrating toys like dildo’s. That’s not an absolute, but a pretty good lean. To that end, here’s the first official Sam and Kate sex toy recommendations.

First, the classic Hitachi Wand. Like a Les Paul or Stratocaster is for guitars, the wand is probably the default image that comes to mind when thinking vibrator. Kate’s is a full size, plug in to the wall unit. Guys, if you’ve never taken the opportunity to use one on yourself, or better yet, have used on you, do so. If you don’t have one, stop at the sex store off the interstate on the way home, you know exactly where it is, and get one for you or your significant other. This is the bread, milk, eggs of sex toys; the staple.

Second is the Rose. It’s a small hand held USB charged vibrator that looks like a rose. Its party trick is instead of pure vibration, it mimics a rapid back and forth motion that’s very focused; It’s a clit sucker. It takes a bit more positioning than the wand, but when the right spot is dialed in, watch out. This is a for her only toy, I’ve tried it and it didn’t do much for me.

Our first default go to move is “lazy sex”. This is a term of art coined by Kate. Lazy consists of her on her back, me kindof on my side her right leg lifted over me, and I skootch on in. It’s decidedly not a pound it out position, it’s, well, lazy. The big advantage of lazy is in addition to penetration, there’s ready access to Kates darling love button for either the wand or the Rose. It’s not unheard of for an iPad with PornHub on to be a factor. We won’t mention Kates porn preferences, other than to say it’s probably the same as Dan Savage’s.

Being creative with Wanda or the Rose is a good thing. At the same time, guys, check your ego’s. It’s not about you, it’s about her. With those two toys, and a willing husband’s mouth, fingers, or cock….well, its amazing what can happen.

Lazy sex is probably something that’s socially acceptable for most couples. Lazy is also when Kate is orgasmic with me during PIV sex. Well, with organic me anyway.

I’m wholly average down south. It’s neither a state secret, nor an issue for me, it is what it is. Well, it can be eroticized but that’s maybe a different post.

Back in the first Covid wave insanity period I talked about last post, we discovered an atypical use for the strapon’s Kate and Lisa used. I don’t have a name for this.

To be fair, I’m not aware that a name exists for a guy fucking a girl with an enourmous strap on dildo, while his cock is locked in a chastity cage. Well, other than good clean fun anyway. Side note about this, we’re not the only couple to have ever done this. I’ve talked to several people in the broader cuckosphere who have done exactly this.

I just asked Kate if she remembers who came up with this idea, we’re not sure. I’d lean me, but 🤷🏻‍♂️. One thing we’re sure of is that it happened organically, it wasn’t something either of us heard anywhere. Two other for sure things; Kate has had disturbance in the force level orgasm’s from this, and it’s probably the most surreal sexual experience I’ve had.

I don’t want to go too deep into the chastity side right now, beyond saying having your cock in a cage is a unique experience. Well, the other thing I’d say about it in this post is that if it’s on your radar, take your time and spend money. Quality and fit are the entire ball (pun intended) game.

After a certain amount of time and experience, every guy knows how his body works when he’s having sex. Where in space your body is relative to hers before you enter her sort of thing. It’s a mind fuck to have sex with something that’s WAY bigger than the gear God blessed you with, while your’s is locked away, out of the fight as it were.

It’s different energy, I was surprised by just how much so. It was something totally familiar, and completely foreign at the same time. Big dick energy is a thing, I don’t have it, and yet her I was, fucking Kate, with a huge cock. How these nights conclude for me varies. Sometimes denial is a player, other times not.

Like all things sexual with Kate, myself, and Patton’s Third Army from time to time, it’s about the smiles and joy.

Whatever this is called can be awkward at times and decidedly down some kinky path or another, but sharing this experience has brought us closer, and upped our intimacy in ways other than physical. Believe me, there’s no possible way for a guy to be sexy while his cock is caged and he’s struggling to put a strap on harness on. Lots of laughs and help from Kate, who’s no stranger to that harness.

Crazy that it’s December 12th already. We’re like most people this time of year, it’s busy busy busy between Thanksgiving and New Years Eve. This morning was extra crazy, more moving pieces than usual, stress was up.

Busy weekend coming up for Kate. Movie night to see “Wicked” with her daughters, a womens group dinner Sunday. I’m not quite as busy, it’s an on call weekend for me. I do suspect there may be a new guitar in the house to occupy my time tho. In the middle for us both, a return visit with one of the hotel party groups Saturday night….

Thanks for reading!!! Be kind to yourself and others,

Sam & Kate

PS….If you’ve made it this far, please take a moment and clap (once, or up to 50 times) for this post. It’s feedback for Kate and me, (comments and highlites are always welcome too!) and helps push the story up algorithmically. Thanks!!!