Things That Make You Go Hmmmmm

I’m sure there are benefits to having an adult kid who’s both local and smart as the day is long.

Megan, the second eldest among our 4 shared kids, has the closest relationship with Kate and myself as a couple. Much more than the other kids, she knows where the bodies are buried, and has a much much more detailed and nuanced understanding of our lifestyle dynamic.

Like her mom and I, Megan has hit a bottom and is on the mend; she’s coming up on 2 years sober. Her’s was kindof a master class in hitting bottom, she hit it out of the park, in a loud grotesque military manner. From the day it happed, she’s been leaning on us. She grasped intituativly that there was no way around it, that the way forward was moving thru. She also quickly realized to do so required vulnerability and openness with other sober people. Enter Kate and me.

Megan’s at Casa Da Sam and Kate several times a week, often with her two kids in tow; those two spend a couple nights a week with Kate and I. Vulnerability and openness begets the same, we’ve been waaaaaay back in the weeds with her about our non-monogamous chicanery.

A few weeks back she stopped by for something or another and noticed the new flowers on a coffee table. “Ohhh, those are sooooo nice, you did great!!!!” She said to me. “Awwww…..flowers” was my response. In a millisecond, she knew. “You didn’t get them for her, did you?”

Fucking smart kids…..

If you’re reading us for the first time……Kate and I are a married couple in our 50’s whose relationship is Ethically Non-Monogamous (ENM). We’re swingers, our marriage is open; we have sex with other people. We’re in a committed relationship, and somewhere on the polyamorous and cuckold spectrums; Kate has a boyfriend (or two) and is a Hotwife. It’s neither of our first marriages. We met in a 12 step meeting; we’re each more than a decade sober now. If you’re curious about how this all works, we talk about our relationship in varying degrees of depth in other posts. We have an email address listed in our “about” page if you would like to contact us.

In case you haven’t figured it out, this week’s cover pic is of the flowers in question. There’s more on them in a few paragraphs.

Kate, as I write this, is out having a social with a new guy. Oscar seems to tick several boxes. First and foremost, he’s local, very local, like 20 minutes away local. In our neck of the woods, that’s damn near next door neighbors. Equally important, he’s single, has his own place, is employed, and has a car. He’s lifestyle experienced. Kate found him to be very good looking guy based on his pics. I was fine with Oscar till I started writing all this down, now I’m scared….naah, not really.

He’s the second of our attempts to be organic with guys from the sites. I took his temperature, he has several certs, gave off a friendly not so thirsty vibe. I asked if he’d be comfortable emailing Kate, off to the races from there.

Well, It’s now later and the dinner went exceptionally well; they ended up spending two hours at the restaurant. Can’t really tell for sure until after having sex the first time, but it seems like a it’s a solid match. He’s already messaged me saying what a great time he had and how sexy Kate is.

Clifford the Wonder Dog and I have a ritual when we’re home and Kate is coming home. We’ll go out and wait for her in the back corner of the driveway. Clifford is chomping at the bit, but sitting like the good girl she is, waiting for the car to shift to park. She then runs to greet Mommy, who greets Clifford right back. We did this last night when she came home. Then we walked arm in arm, as we usually do, down the sidewalk to the house, talking about her date.

We’ll see how it goes. He showed up, which is no small thing. My sense is there will be more to come about Oscar going forward.

On to Chris, another guy who showed up. Chris will go down in history as being the first person to actually give a Christmas Card to “Sam and Kate”, we both thought that was great. As is his custom, Chris also brought along some of the BEST chocolate covered almonds on earth. He gets them from a small shop local to him and they are fucking good.

Chris spent the night last weekend. It’s always good to see him; he’s an authentic dude and is 100% comfortable to share space with. We three screwed around later that night and had a great time. There was a moment before the festivities really got under way….All three of us under the covers, Kate in the middle holding the iPad and navigating to PornHub, smiling and laughing, simple joy and good energy.

I typically don’t sleep amazingly. I have zero issue falling to sleep, but after typically 4 1/2 to 5 hours, my eyes just open. I have the newest Apple Watch with sleep apnea monitoring, and I’ve not triggered it once in three months. Right now, as I type, it’s 0403 AM, and I”ve been up an hour. Some days, after Kate gets up and we spend some time, I’ll go back up for another hour of sleep. I did just that the other night when Chris was here; Kate was up, but he was still sleeping.

I came down an hour later to the smell of bacon and pancakes. Kate and Chris sitting around the table eating and bantering in such a wonderfully free and authentic way. I smiled when I walked in, and they smiled back.

Last time Chris was over was it Black Friday maybe? I don’t remember. Either way, he met Kate’s former co-worker, Cindy. Kate and Cindy worked together for decades in a salon, and know each other in a VERY familiar and intimate way; theirs is a platonic relationship. Chris, upon meeting Cindy and seeing the interplay and energy that the two of them share (that they’re each smoke shows has nothing to do with it) gallantly offered his services should they be needed. I told him to get in line, I’ve been barking up that tree for years and years, alas, it’s not to be.

Side note about Cindy. When I was in Antarctica and Kate had started her process of finding another woman to play with, I found myself with some idle time. Cindy, in what’s an all too common state of affairs, is in a sexless marriage. Which when you see her, you struggle to believe, but there ya go. Anyway, when I bought Kate a couple sex toys to be delivered, I ordered one for Cindy as well. They both LOVED them….battery powered kindof rotating beaded dildo’s with the magic clit stimulating ear things. Jack they each called them. Cindy literally wore her’s out and had to order a replacement.

Next up, the long awaited return of James to the cast of characters. James has a super full plate and ours is typically on the full side as well. Their preferred dynamic is the two of them solo, which kind of rules out Kate hosting here when her old ball and chain is around. James lives with his ex and kids, so hosting isn’t an option for him either. In theory, he’s getting an apartment pretty quickly in the new year, but that’s still going to be a good bit over an hour away.

I gifted Kate and James a night at a hotel, which they took decidedly good advantage of. In addition to their consistently excellent sex, this was the night that James gave Kate the flowers that Megan noticed…..but wait, there’s more….

The following morning Kate and I were going to visit my mom for her birthday. Easy enough, the hotel was on the way; I’d stop by and pick her up on the way.

I figured I’d grab a bagel and a green tea (fine, and a Boston cream donut too) at the Dunkin that was next door to the hotel. As we parked, Kate said “Oh, there’s James’ truck, I bet you run into him.” (I’ve got a drivers side window thing in my car; the drive thru is cumbersome) So, of course, I’m ordering and there’s James. In case you’ve never had an 8 am conversation with the man who fucked your wife back to the stone age multiple times the night before, while in a donut shop…..well…..you’re just not living.

Honestly, it was AOK. We don’t have any issues with each other and get along fine.

The final piece in the Kate and James puzzle that night, is another Megan thing. She knew her mom was out for the night with another man; this info is shared while coordinating schedules and figuring out who can watch her boys. Of course, the universe decided it would be this night that her gas would go out (the boys were with their dad). So, she texted and asked if she could come over and cook her dinner on the stove. Super cool. In case you’ve never hung out with your step daughter when she knows your wife / her mom is out fucking someone else….well…..you’re just not living. 🙃

If you’ve made it this far, my question is this. I’ve described interactions over the last couple weeks that I’ve had (or heard about) with several different people, all revolving around ENM in one way or another. You’ll have to take me at my word when I say these are an accurate representation of what’s happened; there’s no shitshow encounters that I’m editing out by omission. That said, did you see any ick? Did you see any drama or jealous rage? Judgment by dear friends or kids perhaps?

It really hit me last night, walking arm in arm with Kate, just how fucking awesome life can be. Walking with the love of my life, sharing smiles as she tells me about how wonderfully her date went. No running around, no sneaking, no jealously, no suspicion; openness and honesty.

My unasked for ENM advice? Do the work, grow your relationship, don’t make yourself the center of the universe, accept and support your partner for who they are, be vulnerable and authentic.

Thanks for reading!!! Please be kind to yourself and others,

Sam & Kate

PS….Please take a moment and clap (once, or up to 50 times) for this post. It’s feedback for Kate and me, (comments and highlites are always welcome too!) and helps push the story up algorithmically. Thanks!!!