Well, More Like Guidelines….

In the never-ending list of “no shit” or “duh” or “not a plot twist” moments, I can report that Kate and Oscar got their freak on, did the nasty, bumped uglies, partied like it’s 1999, and overall fucked like bunnies. Kate came like Niagara Falls in rainy season. (Well, slight hyperbole on my part, but it went fine for a first encounter).

As is always the case, Clifford the Wonder Dog and me were waiting at the end of the Batcave (our way too long driveway that’s surrounded by pine trees) for Kate upon her return.

After Kate put her car in park, off roared Clifford to great Mommy; Kate’s sweet “CLIFFORRRRD!!!” Was her reward, along with a quick scritch behind the ear. There’s no holding Clifford back at times like this, and her greetings reliably make you feel good to be alive.

As I got closer, I saw Kate’s body move out of the driver’s seat. She went for comfort that night and wore a snug-ish sweater and a pair of leggings that fit just so; that was it, nothing else but a smile. She looked great, her hair mix of intentionally crazy after the shower, and freshly fucked. Similar to Clifford’s like clockwork greetings, Kate reliably takes my breath away at moments like this.

As she finished her exit, she reached back in for something, and out came a 10lb kettle bell. To my knowledge, this marks the first time in the storied history of Casa Da Sam and Kate that a kettle bell has been on premises. It seems in addition to a new fuck buddy, Kate has found a personal trainer.

If you’re reading us for the first time……Kate and I are a married couple in our 50’s whose relationship is Ethically Non-Monogamous (ENM). We’re swingers, our marriage is open; we have sex with other people. We’re in a committed relationship, and somewhere on the polyamorous and cuckold spectrums; Kate has a boyfriend (or two) and is a Hotwife. It’s neither of our first marriages. We met in a 12 step meeting; we’re each more than a decade sober now. If you’re curious about how this all works, we talk about our relationship in varying degrees of depth in other posts. We have an email address listed in our “about” page if you would like to contact us.

Pre-asterick; we’ve decided to keep potential doctors office conversations out of this list.

On to the Commandments….

Thou shalt be ethical whenst fucking others. Informed consent from all parties, and the spouses of all parties is best. It’s good karma and has the added advantage of minimizing the risk of potential shitshows.

Thou shalt be aware that from discomfort can come amazing things. Honest, open, vulnerable conversations with your partner about your wants and needs are rarely comfortable, but they’re the keystone for a fulfilling relationship. Take your shot, player. We’re frequent visitors to Uncomfortable Island; I was just there today with Kate.

If thou happeneth to be in possession of a penis, thou shall NOT send dick pics. Believe me gents, if someone wants to see your junk, they will ask. Kate, who is ever so slightly familiar with the male anatomy, has once….once….said “he has a beautiful cock”. If you have a profile on a swing site, having a nonmedical grade close up dick pick or two is fair in your private pictures. If you’re positioning the phone between your legs in any manner to get the pic, think that thru carefully.

Couple of general dick pic sub-commandments. Never have any part of a toilet visable in your your pic. (Avoid bathrooms altogether unless in the shower.) Be mindful of the background at all times; old pizza boxes and a diaper on the table aren’t helping your cause. Soft focus and lighting is much more your friend than the opposite.

Thou shalt not taketh this too seriously. This isn’t War and Peace, you’re not likely to meet your soul mate at a takeover or the club. Leave the drama at home, smile, make eye contact and laugh. Do the silly dance, wear the silly hat. You’re upright and breathing, therefore there’s more right than wrong with ya….live that way.

Thou willst taketh one for the team from time to time. If that language is bothersome, be willing to be a good wingman to your partner. Not everything is about you and you getting yours with the blonde 10 across the room. A hard no is a hard no, and all boundaries and limits should be respected. That said, It’s Peter Pan and Easter Bunny thinking to assume that you’re going to be wowed by the sexual energy of everyone you encounter. Or be wowed by the spouse of someone who takes your spouse’s breath away. Bear in mind that not everyone is going to be bowled over by your energy either. If you’ve been at this for a while, odds are you’ve been someone else’s take one for the team / good wingman person.

Remembereth that all people are beautiful in one way or another. Physical appearance isn’t particularly useful for much other than eye candy. Kate and I each have had top tier sexual experiences with people who didn’t quite measure up to Lifestyles of The Rich and Famous beauty standards. Connection matters more. Attitude matters more.

If thou art in possession of a penis, refereth thou to the third commandment.

Thou shalt not yucketh another’s yum. Props to Calm Cntrl for this suggestion. We’re all on our own journeys in the ENM world, if you’re not into what someone else is, that’s fine….go about your buisness, and wish them well. Don’t be a dick about it, pass judgement or shit post in any way. The world needs all the joy it can take, celebrate that they’ve found some joy.

Thou shalt never be in a closed circle. Be it in a club, a lounge, someone’s living room, a pool, wherever swingers / ENM people may gather. People tend to form circles when they gather. Problem is that you’re inadvertently excluding everyone who’s not in the circle, and will put of clique vibes. Remember back to when you were new, always strive to be inclusive.

Thou shalth Never assume a smile or a flirt means your going to fuck that person. A close corollary to the avoid closed circles commandment. An invitation to join a group is just that, keep your powder dry.

Thou shalt not be excessively thirsty. I’ll assume that if you’re reading this, you have in fact actually had sex with someone other than yourself. Carry yourself that way. Everyone’s horny and you’re not a special snowflake.

What are we missing? What would you add to the list??

Thanks for reading, be kind to yourself and others!!!

Sam & Kate

PS….Please take a moment and clap (once, or up to 50 times) for this post. It’s feedback for Kate and me, (comments and highlites are always welcome too!) and helps push the story up algorithmically. Thanks!!!