And a Big Reveal….

Write to the void.

That’s a piece of advice that new to medium writers get if they poke around and read some of the how to’s and FAQ’s. My take on that is to have perhaps less a focus on what’s read, and more on what’s written. I don’t know, maybe. When I get to the point where I struggle to get something down on “paper” I tend to circle back to the void and just let it rip for a bit. This post started as a void dump.

We’re at the point in our non-monogamous adventure where the casual sex with random strangers you met 20 minutes ago has lost some of its appeal. There’s no doubt we’ve had some amazing experiences swinging and I’m certain we’ll be at hotel parties and takeovers this year, probably other things as well.

Perhaps that’s too strong a phrase to say some appeal is lost, more like it’s become fast food….which I suppose is kind of the same thing.

I learned when I did all my travel that pretty much anything you eat can sustain you thru a day. Sure, there’s probably one price or another to pay for it down the road. That said, in the moment, when you’re in SFO, or Narita, Heathrow or Inchon, hitting a Starbucks or McDonalds is an easy and comfortable thing to do.

Yes, a Big Mac is an upgrade from a dehydrated beef or pork pattie; Chicken Ala King in a brown plastic bag, not so much. If you know, you know.

(It’s funny, 7 years ago I was in Brazil for a couple months, and I have no memory of what the food situation was in the Sao Palo airport. I remember a Starbucks, that’s about it. Brazil was unique place in my travels in that there’s no huge US or British influence; English isn’t common at all. Anyway.)

Swinging has become airport living / MRE’s for Kate and me. Nothing wrong with it, sometimes it’s what has to happen, but in and of itself it’s more temporary and transactional. We’re looking more for home cooking at this point. Something that is more connected and nourishing for the soul. We’re more intentionally looking for longer and deeper (that’s what she said) connections with people at this point, more on the poly spectrum.

Of course, Kate and I do nourish each other’s souls; together we’re the core for us both.

I think this is something that we’ve wanted for a long time but were kind of steered away by some of the messaging in swinger and cuckold spaces; “The Feels” tend have a serious nononononono vibe. They’re portrayed as a bug instead of a feature, one that sometimes must be dealt with, and can often be catastrophic. Our experience has been that the feels don’t have to be a problem.

Where they can turn into an issue is if they’re not in the sunlight. If one partner is keeping something from the other, you’re on a slippery slope. Of course, you run smack into trust pretty quickly here. If you don’t trust your partner, you probably have no business in ENM in all. Trust can be hard, as can the array of emotions that circle around it; fear, love, jealousy, envy. Trust can bring old traumas to surface as well as the baggage they bring with them.

Contrary to some of the messaging, most swingers we’ve met seem to have been open to more of a connection than a one-night romp. Being open to it is one thing, being able (and willing) to do the work is another thing.

Turns out, much like the awesome mom and pop hoagie shop that has mystical bread, connections like that are difficult to find. (Should you ever find yourself in Clark’s Summit PA, stop at Beta Bread and grab an Italian Grinder. If you don’t like it, call me and I’ll be glad to rescue it)

Part of the connection finding struggle seems to be simple math. God knows it’s hard enough to find a connection similar to what Kate and I share, a one-on-one thing. You factor two couples in and you’re squaring the square of the difficulty quotient. I know there’s success stories with couples, and we’re open to something like that, but realistic as well.

Single / solo women and men present their own opposite sides of the coin challenges.

In a plot twist to no one, there’s no shortage of single / solo guys who are looking to fuck. Given that we’re easing down the cuckold path, finding a guy who can function in that world is a different story. We’ve had some experiences with guys who say they know that dynamic, but invariably it’s been from more of a swinger point of view. Swinging and cuckolding are different energies. Part of the problem would seem to be that we’re looking for that energy in swing spaces. We’re broadening our horizons and being patient.

Single / solo women on the other hand have decidedly earned their unicorn moniker. That said, we’ve recently been in contact with one….

Mallory is in our age range; she starts with a 5 as well. She has kids our kids age, and has gone thru relationship stuff with her ex that’s similar to both Kate and me. She’s not a lifestyle virgin, is decidedly easy on the eyes and is looking for more of a longer term connection it seems. Yes, @sifu, it’s possible / probable that if it takes off, I’ll be involved as well. We’re both decidedly on the smitten side with her, she’s great!!

No telling at this point how it will unfold, but the first meeting went about as well as a first meet could go. We had lunch earlier today (as I write this) at a midway between us Panera’s. The conversation was effortless and flowed from the initial slightly awkward hello hug in the parking lot, to the much warmer hug after the meal.

Her and Kate have continued to chit chat since lunch and have a tentative date for a more intimate get together in the next couple weeks.

Something else to mention at this point is Kate and I are going to be on a podcast in the next few months. We’re scheduled to sit down for an interview around the middle of January. More to follow on that, and as it gets closer airing, we’ll have the deets.

We’ve decided that since we’re out to the kids, we’re going to use our real names for the episode. We’re going to keep Sam & Kate here tho; it wouldn’t feel right to change to Steve & Cathy mid stream. Given Clifford has become Bonnie’s official middle name, we’ll keep calling her that too. The Chow Hound Cat is oozing indifference and couldn’t give less of a fuck about his name here.

It’s January in PA, the wind chill has been offensive. Still, I’d take it any day over the wildfire’s the folks in LA are dealing with today. Kate Just got off the phone with a customer who’s daughter lost her home out there yesterday; she and her family are ok. God speed to the folks out there….

Thanks for reading!! Be kind to yourself and others….

Sam & Kate

PS….If you’ve made it this far, please take a moment and clap (once, or up to 50 times) for this post. It’s feedback for Kate and me, (comments and highlites are always welcome too!) and helps push the story up algorithmically. Thanks!!!