Make The Rest Of Your Life The Best Of Your Life

Kate and I have been one day at time / in the moment people for a long time now; more than a decade. This is a great way to live, so long as you understand that there are things that aren’t “in the day” that have to be dealt with. Gotta pay bills and plan for that, gotta make and keep appointments, gotta keep up with the house; that sorta stuff.

It’s fair to say that we both survived the Gen X live fast die young energy of our youth. Honestly, that energy is pretty much the same as keep it in the day, just different. I know for sure when I was 23 or 34 or whatever, how life would be at 59 was literally the furthest thing from being on my radar. I was much more concerned about the next concert or deployment, the next chance to have an intense experience, the next chance to feel alive.

Today, that feeling of being alive comes in large measure from our non-monogamous lifestyle. The new relationship energy (NRE) that Kate feeds on, and the compersion fueled thrill I get when she goes to be with someone else.

The main downside to keeping in the now is that if you’re not doing something at that moment, it can feel like it’s been a hundred years even if it’s only been a couple weeks. Sex and sex related activities are one of the biggest offenders in this regard.

I think that’s a guy thing in general, and it’s magnified if you find yourself leaning further into the cuckold spectrum. It’s not been two weeks since Kate spent the night with James, and it feels like we’re in a post sexual phase of life now. Never going to have sex together or in any manner again. It’s over.

Of course, this isn’t accurate. I know because this is far from the first time I’ve felt this way. I also know it’s evolving because we’re evolving.

I’m also starting to feel the weight of age and time creeping in. With that, comes the added layer of unavoidability mixed with uncertainty about what’s next, and when “next” happens.

I turned 59 this week, and this is the first age since I turned 30 that’s really fucked with me. 59 seems O L D. There are moments when I feel my age, I don’t spring out of the car or a chair any more kinda thing; gotta take that pause for the cause to make sure everything’s working as it should. Mentally and headspace wise is a different can of worms. I’m a huge believer in 60 is the new 40….shit, I don’t feel 40 yet for that matter. The snow-white goatee and ear hair that grows at a shocking rate tell a different tale.

I’m medically boring. I’m on no medications to manage anything, my blood pressure, cholesterol, all the things are pretty much centered in the normal range. The BP is inching higher over time but the doc’s not concerned. I had a colonoscopy at 50, and I’ll have another next year. I do manage Gout, which sucks a full bag ‘o dicks. What I put into my mouth determines to a large extent how that goes. Kate is much the same, tho instead of gout, she has girlie parts to deal with.

I’m for sure no beacon of health and wellness, I did everything I could to destroy my body via chronic alcohol poisoning for decades and am to this day a sucker for a Boston cream donut. I lost 50 lbs in less than a year just by stopping drinking. That’s more or less stayed off, tho I’m a couple pounds heavier now than typical in early April. I also was a more than a pack a day smoker for decades. I haven’t had a cigarette since I’ve been sober.

Both Kate and I are in decent shape. The proof is in the pudding; there’s a full length pic of us on the Normalizing Non-Monogamy website for the episode (384) we were on. That pic is a couple years old now, but other than hairstyles and amount of grey, we’re the same. We’re holding up pretty well for our ages.

As an experiment, spend an hour in a couple of Wal Mart’s. Go to the one that’s “that” Wal Mart. Look around at the people, no judging, just observing. Next, go to a swinger club and observe the crowd, again, no judgment. Finally, go to an airport and spend an hour catching up on your people watching.

We don’t do a whole lot of swinger “events” or clubs any more. We’ve done two in the last 6 months or so. First was a weekend takeover for couple’s 50+, second was a night at a club a few weekends ago.

Both nights the dance floor was packed and the energy high. At the club, I’d say at least a third of the crowd was carrying more weight by a substantial margin than what would be optimum. Not the case at all at the 50+ event. There were one or two significantly heavy people, that was it.

The correlation between Wal Mart and the airport seemed similar, tho the Wal Mart crowd was decidedly heavier. To the extent people were heavy at the airport, they were younger.

What kindof stood out to me in this bout of people watching was if you’re interested in maintaining a quality of life, doing the things you want to do in your 50’s and beyond, ya gotta pay attention in your younger years.

The biggie (pun intended) was that as the crowds aged, their collective BMI decreased. The younger the crowd, the higher the collective BMI.

I’m not intending to shame anyone for anything, it’s just observations of the population I’ve seen. My assumption is that the overly high BMI in your 20’s and 30’s crowd suffers from mobility issues as they age, or they’ve died.

There are a couple of things that I think have really helped me over the years.

First, I’ve always drank a lot of water. It ebbs and flows a bit these days, and I don’t have a magic amount or goal that I strive to hit daily. At this point, it’s either coffee or water that I drink, with an occasional Coke Zero thrown in. The coffee has some plain old half and half in it most times.

Second is directly related to the first. I don’t drink anything sugary. No soda, no foo foo mocha choka bullshit (props to Batdad Blake) “coffee” drinks, no energy drinks. Water is it after the morning coffee.

I have an affinity for whole grains. I can’t stand white sandwich type bread. I’ve had whole grain toast for breakfast probably 90% of mornings since I can remember.

Finally, I don’t drink or smoke….well, anymore.

Between us, we’ve played with going on 70 people in our grand non-monogamous journey. I don’t want to make Kate blush, so I’ll just say it’s not a 50–50 ratio between her and I. If we were on an old school teeter-totter, my feet wouldn’t be touching the ground. We were each in our 50’s when this adventure started.

Here’s the thing, most people are going to make it, like I did, to their 59th birthday. Most people aren’t going to complete the “live fast, die young” equation. It may be a very very distant shore for you, or perhaps it’s in your rear view at this point. Either way, odds are, you’ll make it.

For me, (Kate’s still a spring chicken at 55) 59 looked like traveling across the country and spending time with 2 grandkids, each either 3 or under. We were able to keep up with them for the most part and had a great visit with them and their parents.

I did take the 3 year old to an airshow one day, just the two of us. We were there for 6–7 hours, and at the end, we were both tapped out. The lad cycled thru several meltdown cycles as we were leaving and I think most of us know how draining 3 year old meltdowns are. By the time we got home, the lad was a bundle of smiling energy and I had that thousand yard stare. Kate, always one with an on the nose comment, said “you were defeated by a 3 yeard old”. True that.

If it’s decades down the road for you, how do you want your life to look when you hit 59? What life do you want for yourself? I can’t imagine what mine would look like had I not gotten sober, well, actually I can. Nothing good. That 50lbs I lost would have been 50lbs that I gained. Nicotine would not have gone away. 59, had I made it, would have looked much much different.

My wakeup call came after a blackout when I saw that I had become the worst possible version of myself. The changes that came about from that day enabled me to take a selfie 11 years down the road while holding a 3 year old, perfectly catching a USAF Thunderbirds flyby as an (intentional) photo bomb.

Beats the everloving shit out of riding a Wal Mart scooter to get a box of Twinkies, or being dead.

Thanks for reading!!! Be kind to yourself and others,

Sam & Kate