It’s Getting Weird Out There

I love the view I have right now. It’s 8:44 Monday evening.

Clifford’s head and snout (Kate and I both agree she has my nose) are laying on the arm of the couch, in arms reach for random pat or scritch. IDK if I’ve made this clear about Clifford, but there’s for damn sure no wolf left in her. She’s as slutty for the couch as Kate is for…..well…..

Something that we’ve become more and more aware of with Cliff is she’s in REALLY good shape. She turned 5 a few weeks back (she’s a 4th of July baby) and has zero sign of the spread that you tend to see with dogs as they age.

Just to the far side of Cliff sits my beautiful wife. She’s working on her ipad, putting together her part for a full moon ceremony that her and a few other women are going to have later this month. (Bonus points if you can guess when). Kate’s wearing a white tank, and off white linen pants, sitting criss cross applesauce, typing and googling away. It’s quiet tonight, no music, just the sound of the fan pushing the chilled air from the window AC on this steamy late July night. (Casa Da Sam and Kate is on the rustic side, central air is a pipe dream.)

Our energy is a bit off today. We had a rare for us dust up last night, I’ll spare the details but will say it was family related, not sexual chicanery related. A big enough disturbance in the force that it followed us each to work today. We each took our time with it, let our systems regulate a bit and chilled out before we addressed it again. It’s all good now. That said, it’s gonna need a night’s sleep before the energy is regulated again.

If you’re reading us for the first time……Kate and I are a married couple in our 50’s whose relationship is Ethically Non-Monogamous (ENM). We’re swingers, our marriage is open; we have sex with other people. We’re in a committed relationship, and somewhere on the polyamorous and cuckold spectrums; Kate has a boyfriend (or two) and is a Hotwife. It’s neither of our first marriages. We met in a 12 step meeting; we’re each more than a decade sober now. If you’re curious about how this all works, we talk about our relationship in varying degrees of depth in other posts. We have an email address listed in our “about” page if you would like to contact us.

So, we were at a vanilla dance in Winchester, Virginia of all places last Thursday night. Kate’s friendly (not that way either, ya buncha pervs) with one of the organizers of the event, and honestly it sounded like a great excuse to take a couple days off and do something on a Thursday.

Kate and I travel really well together. It’s never a stress fest when it’s just the two of us, we reliably have a great time just sharing space and road tripping for a few hours. Conversation is all over the place and there’s no shortage of stories and laughter. Before anything else, we LIKE each other and LIKE being around each other.

The morning after the dance the plan was to go home via Fredrick, Maryland. It was a bit out of the way, but we liked it last time we stopped by about 18 months back and we wanted to return. Kate really took a shine to a boutique / shop place there, and there was a knife store right next door. I’ve been a knife guy my entire life, I feel naked without a pocketknife, so the side trip to Fredrick worked well. Kate ended up getting a pair of shorts and some jewelry for her daughters, I splurged and bought a knife that’s been on my radar for a long time, a small Sebenza. If you know, you know.

The conversation between Winchester and Fredrick centered primarily on one thing: the 80–20 ratio between the sexes at the dance. It was surprising and as noticeable as the nose on your face. Also worthy of note, so far as we could tell, every guy there except for one was part of a couple. One single guy. One.
WTF.

Seems ya can’t swing a dead cat without hitting an article or post about the male loneliness epidemic. Well, if this admittedly small sample size is an indication, males need to look in the mirror for at least part of the cause.
Showing up for life is the first requirement for not being lonely. Hand in hand with that if you’re a guy looking for female companionship, showing up where the women are is a big part as well.

Ironically (or not) a single guy I’m talking to on one of the sites is of the opinion that they, single guys, are choosing PornHub and GrubHub over interacting with people. He also suspects that there’s a growing incel wave out there, particularly among younger men. I agree with him on both points. Factoring out for a moment the overall vibe around the incel community, men deciding to opt out of real life doesn’t seem to be a trend that’s going to go well for society at large, now or over time.
Part of me wasn’t bothered by the lack of single guys there. There was a group of 10–15 younger women, early 20’s, younger than our kids, who made a circle and danced like no one was watching. They felt safe. Seems to me that a big reason for that was the lack of guys within 20 years of their age pestering them.

Interestingly, and potentially related, what happened to MAGA? I swear to God, no politics or preaching here, just observations.

Kate and I live in a hard red county in rural PA; 70–30 Trump last November. The dance was in rural VA, (I just googled it, Fredrick County went 63–35 Trump last year). As we talked about earlier in this post, we spent a good amount of time driving and moving around in rural red areas last week; MAGA has largely disappeared in the real world.

More dead cat talk, but for a long time you couldn’t swing one without seeing a red hat or a sign in a yard; they’re virtually all gone now. Relative to the last election cycle (and the last 4 years) the difference lately is about as noticeable as the women to men gap at the dance. Online is a different story, but the internet is as we all know, the internet.

IDK if there is a correlation between the disappearance of MAGA and what we saw at the dance. I have my suspicions, as I suspect you do, but one dance isn’t enough data.

Kate and I, as we’ve documented in our glorious blog, do most of our socializing in environments where there’s no shortage of men. That said, the lifestyle doesn’t feel overwhelmed with single men either. Sure, the spaces we weave in and out of aren’t exactly mainstream, but they don’t seem that far removed from it either. Could it be confirmation bias? Something else?

What are you seeing? Have you been out and about and noticed anything similar?
The clear caveat to lifestyle spaces not being overwhelmed with single men is the online world.

We’ll wrap this up with some standard advice for solo / single men. This is coming from a couple who’s motivated to meet you and wants you to succeed.
First, slow the fuck down. There’s nothing at all wrong with some small talk be it face to face, or via a site / app.

A one-word message will be met with equal (or less) energy.

A close relative to the first point is don’t ask yes no questions. Guys LOVE to ask stuff like “are you free now?” “can we meet tonight?” “lets get together” “I’d love to meet this hottie!” …..where do you go if the answer is no? Guys, for the love of God, this is such low hanging fruit. I get it, shoot your shot kinda thing. Weak sauce if your second message results in a hard no.

Dick pics. Fine to have a couple in your profile, that’s in bounds. Never, ever send one as your introduction. “Hi, I’m a dick” is literally what you’re telling someone.

The only thing that gets a faster hell no than a dick pic is if someone’s wearing his politics on his sleeve.

Desperation reeks as badly on a screen as it does in person. Jerk off BEFORE you message, not after.

I’m a swinging bachelor this weekend. Kate, her daughters and her grandbabies are going out of town for some R & R. I suspect hiking and fishing will be on the agenda, probably some swimming as well. They’re going to be in close proximity to our favorite restaurant, hopefully Kate will get a meal there.

As for my weekend, I smell cut grass, hear a pressure washer, taste a snuck ice cream (don’t tell Kate) and see a few miles of Clifford running in the woods. I just may have to tune in to “The Hunting Wives” as well, quite the buzz over the last day or two…..

Speaking of “The Hunting Wives”…..What do women have in common with spaghetti?? They’re both straight till ya get them wet……

Thanks for reading!!! Be kind to yourself and others!!

Sam & Kate