What’s The Appeal For Me / Us?
Why Cuckolding? What’s the appeal?
Kate and I were driving home from a nice night out on the town last weekend, decidedly vanilla affair, no one was naked at any point of the evening, and I had the thought that if 4 vanilla people had been in the situation we were just in, there would have been punches and blood. That feels like an especially solid run on sentence to start a post with.
Kate’s long term boyfriend, James, was in a community theater production and Kate wanted to support him and show up. I was in as it meant a night out with my bestie. So, we stopped and had dinner at Core Life (we’re both dairy and gluten free for the last week. More on that in probably the next post.) showed up at the theater and watched the show. It was a lot of fun and 100% what you’d expect from a community theater holiday production. Some adorable little kids on stage for the first time, mixed with some laugh out loud and at times VERY intense (it was in a small theater, so you’re right there) drama. We enjoyed the show immensely.
James has a live in girlfriend at this point and we were surprised to not see her name in the program; Kate was pretty sure James had mentioned she was in the show. Given she may well become a revolving member of the Sam & Kate cast of characters, she needs a name. We’ll call her Nikki; not to be confused with Kate’s daughter Nichole.
After the curtain call, we made sure to cross paths with James to congratulate him on his performance. Much to our surprise, he introduced another cast member as Nikki; she was great on stage, beautiful woman as well.
So there we are… all 4 of us know who everyone is and what everyone’s role is. Standing there meeting my wife’s’ boyfriends girlfriend while in the flow of post show community theater mingling was kindof a trip. Best part was the four of us couldn’t seem to stop smiling; no punches or blood needed.
If you’re reading us for the first time……Kate and I are a married couple in our 50’s whose relationship is Ethically Non-Monogamous (ENM). We’re swingers, our marriage is open; we have sex with other people. We’re in a committed relationship, and somewhere on the polyamorous and cuckold spectrums; Kate has a boyfriend (or two) and is a Hotwife. It’s neither of our first marriages. We met in a 12 step meeting; we’re each more than a decade sober now. If you’re curious about how this all works, we talk about our relationship in varying degrees of depth in other posts. We have an email address listed in our “about” page if you would like to contact us.
Time to take a little deeper dive into how we relate to cuckolding and how it relates to us. What works for us, our evolution, and what’s not really for us.
The earliest I can remember feeling attraction to or at least something different from how I felt about other kids was with the older sister of a neighborhood kid.
We were playing some game or another, cops and robbers, something like that, and she was the “boss”. I was her “prisoner” at some point and while I’m not sure if i was restrained in some way, I think I was, I remember really liking that her, the good looking older sister, was in control. I was too young I suspect to be turned on, but that’s what I would say that feeling is today.
This experience landed for me in the mist of growing up in a very Emily Post household in the ‘70’s. I was raised to respect women, hold doors, give up my seat on the bus, that sort of thing. Mix that energy with what I felt with the older neighborhood girl, and a generalized submissiveness to women took seed and grew in me. At some point in this era, I also discovered the stash of Playboy magazines that some of the older neighborhood kids had. The picture was shaping up in my mind for sure.
I carried that on thru the decades, it never faded, never really blossomed fully either. There were a couple of awkward approaches with my ex that went no where. It never really made it’s way to the front burner for me. Porn and quality time with Rosie Palm and her 5 sisters was as far as it went.
Enter Kate and I crossing paths and becoming the couple we are. Turns out that if you mix a low grade submissive leaning guy with a life long slut and you do the work to bring the sluttiness out of the shade and into the light, you find yourself looking into cuckolding pretty quickly.
Kate doesn’t have much in the way of traditional domme energy. I can’t see either of us keeping a straight face for too long if she ever came at me in black leather with a whip in her hand and calling me “worm” or whatever. There’s zero wrong with that if it’s your vibe or jam; it’s neither of ours.
If anything, she leans more to the submissive side as well, tho her lean isn’t as pronounced as mine is.
Where we display a more traditional power dynamic / imbalance is with control. I get that this might be a “duh” moment, but I don’t think so.
What seems to be much more common then you might think is the cuck controlling (or at least trying) the cuckolding elements in their relationship. Going by what I see on Reddit and a couple other sites, this is very common. Almost as common that the widely held misconception that cucks are wimpy or weak. Cuckolding, like all things ENM, is a big tent. Even with that, I don’t see how it works with the guy in control and pulling the strings.
At first, I tried to control everything, It didn’t work for either of us. Her fucking other guys was AOK so long as it was on my terms. I set the schedules, I set the limits, I did my level best to manage Kate. I tried to make her sex life about me. The further down the road we get with all this, the more clearly I see just how controlling I wanted and tried to be in the early stages.
It wasn’t just the sex I was trying to control. I was trying to control who Kate is and to make sure that there wasn’t too much of an opportunity for other guys to see just how rare and special a human Kate is. At the end of the day, that’s exactly what Kate wants to do; to be herself with others, to share and give her humanity in exchange with another human’s energy. Over time my insecurity was replaced by the knowing that what we have can’t be replaced and no one is a threat to us.
Time for me to go to uncomfortable island. I tend to not talk a whole lot about me in here, its much more about Kate’s adventures and us processing various ENM stuff. Here’s a deeper dive into how I lean into the more kinky / cuckie side of things.
Spring of 2020 was the spring of 2020. Kate’s shop was shut down, and I was effectively laid off. We each had plenty of time on our hands, not an unheard of situation in Covid’s early days. I moved in with Kate in April, and she started her fling with Lisa in May.
We discovered during our idle time that there’s an almost endless variety of sex toys available on Amazon. Who knew. Mixed in with various vibrators and dildos were a couple of chastity cages for me to experiment with. Kate was neutral about the whole chastity thing at this point, but was happy enough with me exploring a bit.
I’ve said in other posts that I got a bit off the rails with cuckolding stuff at this point, I still think that’s accurate. I’ve since learned that cuck’s are waaaaaay prone to this sort of thing happening when they first start exploring. It’s very easy to slip into he realm of obsession; It’s a thing for sure.
We tried and experimented with all sorts stuff during that time frame. Denial play with the cage, pegging, reverse pegging, edging, and of course as time went on, Lisa entered the picture.
As any guy who’s ever explored edging and denial play knows, it can get VERY intense VERY quickly.
During the Lisa affair period, part of the Amazon sex toy binge included straps and dildo’s for her and Kate to play with.
At some point, Kate and I decided to try reverse pegging; me wearing the strap on and using that on Kate. Of course, we did this while I was wearing a chastity cage. Also of course, the dildo in question was on the large size, waaaaay bigger than I am.
For me, seeing and feeling her reaction to this was intense. Knowing what I was missing, and knowing it was somehow “better” for Kate because my “cock” was thicker and longer than me. This going on while the real me was wearing a cage and not in the picture made the experience off the charts. Kate’s reaction to a larger cock mixed with my denial of physical sexual pleasure began galvanizing in my head.
I’ve long since discovered that the only people obsessed with the size of their junk are the owners of said junk. I’m well aware that I’m squarely in the average range, I’m also aware that I’ve had zero issues while swinging, and have fathered a couple of constructive productive members of society. I don’t feel any shame about what God decided to put between my legs.
The bigger the guy with Kate is, the more primal it is for me. It’s not a humiliation thing for me, it’s knowing from lived experience how Kate responds to larger guys mixed with my long standing desire to give her what I can’t give her.
Of course, there’s a voyerestic component to this, tho it’s not front page above the fold big for me. I’m not there for the majority of Kate’s solo play, and there’s rarely pictures sent. I’m sure this were more of a need for me that there would be more pics and videos. To me this kindof falls into the control arena. I’m not there, it’s not my experience to share. If Kate and her lover want to share pics, that’s fine but also their call. To try to force or pressure Kate into something that’s not organic to her experience strikes me as rude. There’s Emily Post showing up again I suppose.
We were doing a lot of reading and talking, listening to a lot of podacasts. We were learning and growing and developing what’s become our process with all of this. We were figuring it out as we went. This wasn’t the ENM 101 stage for us, it was a deeper dive.
I have vivid memories of sitting on the couch with Kate going almost sentence by sentence thru a few episodes of the “Keys and Anklets” podcast. Pausing frequently and discussing what was being talked about in the episodes. Keys and Anklets is a cuckolding podcast and during this process we discovered that cuckolding was a pretty doggone good fit for us. What we were hearing mixed really well with what we had learned about each other, what we were tinkering with, and where we wanted to go.
Side note we haven’t mentioned before, that will perhaps become it’s own post at some point…..We shared space with the host of Keys and Anklets, Michael C, at a party he hosted this past summer.
Cuckolding is to my today sex drive kindof what going thru puberty was to 12 year old Sam. Cuckolding is what gives me the burst of energy waaaay down low; the flutter, the primal visceral response that clenches my jaw and dumps adrelline into my system. Seeing Kate in the kitchen just now, knowing she’s texting with a new guy about plans for this weekend is every bit the rush for me that stumbling across the older kids Playboy stash in the ‘70’s was.
I’ve had my share of sex, some good, some amazing, some not so much. Nothing in all those years has generated the physical response in me that Kate fucking other men has.
There’s more to say about this, but for fuck’s sake, this post is already over 2K words. That’s enough for now other that to say that yes, that’s Kate’s hand in the pic.
As always, thank’s for reading and be kind to yourself and others!!!
Sam & Kate
Sam and Kate 
Leave a comment