A Tale Of Two Valentine’s Days

“Dixon can fuck.” – Kate

One of my favorite things about Kate is she has a knack of delivering lines like this in a matter of fact way at exactly the right moment. This time, it was about 9 PM Monday night while her, both Wonder Dogs and myself were sharing space on the couch. The Wonder Pups were in ritualistic snuggle mode, I was doom scrolling something or another and Kate was studying Tarot. We were all in the wind down from Monday place, making the shift to being ready for bed. There wasn’t any sexual energy at the moment. Well, not from me anyway.

Kate and Dixon had fucked 48 hours before, Valentines Day night at an interracial hotel party about an hour from home. We had a lot of conversation Sunday about the night prior, lots of smiles, lots of laughs during these talks. It’s not like it was every breath, nor confined to a 15-20 minute sit down conversation block; it flowed; little bit here talking about about the party, or someone who was there, a little bit about Dixon. I’ve learned over time to relax about the after action review talks like this and to let Kate drive the processing what happened train.

I don’t think we’d talked at all about the party till then yesterday, Monday being what Monday is. There wasn’t much of a conversation at this point either, there didn’t need to be. I bore witness to Kate and Dixon sharing sexual space; her saying this didn’t come as a plot twist at all to me. What caused my heart to skip a beat was the the casual way she mentioned it; a couple days later during a very chill moment on the couch. It said sooooo much more than just the three words.

Yup, Dixon can fuck. Kate saying so in that manner, at that time, made it crystal clear (like it wasn’t already) they hit it off decidedly well.

Ok, so that should plant a seed or two about this years Valentines Day, lets hit the rewind button and go back to our first Valentines Day together, what we now refer to as “date night hall of fame.”

That several years ago VD found Kate and I attending an SA meeting. SA is Sex Addicts Annoymous. I’ll not get a whole lot into SA, it’s for sure helped people, it wasn’t remotely what we were looking for tho. Suffice to say, driving an hour to hit an SA meeting on your first VD as a couple is a power move. (What 100% did help Kate was a different 12 step program, SLAA or Sex and Love Addicts Annoymous. VERY different energy and vibe between these two programs; the latter stemmed from frustration at the rigidity of the former).

If you’ve been reading along for the last couple years (that feels cool to type) you’re probably aware Kate is on the promiscuous side and just isn’t monogamous in any way. Over the years this came out all kinds of sideways for her, all the more so when mixed with booze. For a long while after she got sober she took her non-monogamy as being a driver of her boozing and partying. After several years of sobriety and monogamy, she was decidedly concerned when her true non-monogamous self started waking up. This is the time frame in which events conspired to bring us together as more than friends.

Not long after we got together, Kate had a trip to Mexico planned. This was a goddess retreat; a group of women going off grid (-ish) and getting in touch with the sacred feminine. This is a quintessential Kate thing. They spent a week in Yelapa (which was the motivation for the swinger trip we took to Puerto Vallarta) and had an amazing time. The trip was a watershed moment for her in her life journey; she discovered she needed to learn how to love herself on this trip.

The morning after her return from Mexico found us having a fairly lazy Sunday morning. At some point, Kate got out of bed and went to take a shower. While she was gone, a notification popped up on her iPad. It was a guy we both knew saying he’d be over at 11. This was a plot twist for me. I opened her iPad and went into her texts. There was an ongoing conversation with this guy; was casually flirty energy and had several bikini photos of her from the Mexico trip. Thus started the fire that ended up forging Kate and I into the couple we are today.

I confronted Kate with the iPad when she got back from the shower. Suffice to say it wasn’t a great few minutes. It was apparent to me pretty quickly she didn’t see it; it was so ingrained to have a side guy not having one didn’t occur to her. There wasn’t any malice from her. As she started to see the patterns of behavior come clear in this moment and this circumstance, I could see how hurt she was that it happened again. At the same time I felt betrayed, hurt and burned as well. It was a hot mess. Kate texted the guy and waved him off. To his credit, he’s never said another word to Kate. The post script here is we suspect this guy was in the lifestyle in some way; I suspect Kate’s going to get in touch with him at some point.

We were both miserable. We both didn’t want to end it, but we didn’t know the way forward. So, we leaned into our recovery circle. As it happens, my sponsor and Kate are cut from decidedly similar cloth in a lot of ways. He and Kate had a couple of conversations at depth. By this point, we both were starting to see the problem wasn’t other people, rather the running around part, the non-ethical part. Turned out the closest and soonest either SA or SLAA meeting was a couple nights later, and that happened to be Valentines Day. Enter Date Night Hall Of Fame.

This (obviously) was in February, in November I was in Antarctica and our ENM journey started. There were a lot of what we now call Uncomfortable Island conversations in that 9 month period. We leaned into each other, leaned into vulnerability and honesty. It wasn’t always pretty, we broke up a couple times, not for very long tho. This period is a big part of why I have no fear of or about our relationship now. No one is going to have this experience with her like I did, layered as it was on top of our years long relationship built in the rooms of recovery.

We didn’t have a whole lot of angst or nerves driving down to the party last weekend. We knew the people (well, some of them, there’s always a revolving cast of characters), we knew the hotel, we knew the environment. The party was in two adjoining rooms with a common lounge / living room space between them.

It was neat walking in, there were smiles and hugs all around. One girl had a pair of knee high boots which Kate left at a party months ago. As we figured, there were 2-3 couples in the bedrooms already going at it. Smiles, joy, and sex. Great combo.

There was a pretty good crowd already there, interestingly there were probably as many women as men; typically the guys outnumber the girls 2 to 1 or so. We grabbed a nibble and sat down, no rush at all, getting the vibe. After 20 minutes or so, off came Kate’s boots. I recognized this for what it was; the safety cover being lifted on her switch.

We’ve mentioned our hostess, Katie, in previous posts, IDK which ones at this point. We met her at some point in I think the exact same room this party was in. She was on the opposite side of the travel path between the play spaces from where we were. After a little bit, Katie grabbed a guy as he was passing by, looked at Kate and said “I want to see you riding him”.

Dixon is a tall, well, my height, right at 6 feet, maybe a little taller, slender guy in our age range. He’s got a positive vibe about him, he’s confident and comfortable in his own skin. He and Kate handled the would be awkward as hell introduction in any other space introduction with a flirtatious grace. IDK exactly what they said to each other in those first moments, tho I do remember Kate saying clear as a bell “well, that’s why we’re all here”.

In fairly short order, maybe 10 minutes later, the two of them headed off to the back bed in the front bedroom. As typically happens when Kate makes a move like this and starts loosing clothes, multiple people angled for a view of the proceedings, myself included.

As they were going thru their process of physically introducing themselves to each other other and loosing articles of clothing, 2 things became readily apparent. First, they looked really good together and clearly had chemistry. Second, and this ties into the second half of part one, Dixon is hung like a horse.

I’m no stranger at this point to seeing Kate with all manner of different people, Dixon stood out. IDK if it was the skin tone contrast, that their bodies were each slender, the lighting, whatever; from my angle, Dixon looked to be one of the top two biggest guys she’s been with. I wondered if she’d be able to deal with his size. I wouldn’t say I was concerned for her safety, but he packs a very considerable disturbance in the force.

They were in no rush, nor were they dilly dallying. They moved at thier own pace.

In due course Kate was on her back, her body open and inviting Dixon in. There was no hesitation or hurrying, they moved instinctively together. I’ve long suspected Kate has a strong pheromone game, Dixon was 100% in tune with this. His initial stroke wasn’t tentative or urgent, he slowly went as deep as he could. He knew what I wasn’t sure of; Kate could take him.

And take him she did.

After a half hour or so of getting to know each other’s bodies in different positions it was time to take a break. Kate got dressed and came out into the common area where she curled up in an oversized chair, legs tucked under her. She had the smile and glow, the beautifully mussed up hair (she went with crazy hair that night, wild and curly) and the unmistakable confidence of a woman who had just put on a show while getting fucked in exactly the way she wanted and needed to be. Those moments, the way she looks at me in those moments, tell me everything I need to know about her and the relationship we share.

Fast forward a week to last night. Kate and our not quite 3 year old granddaughter were sitting at the dining room table. The table was covered with newspapers, packets of seeds, potting soil, and crushed egg shells. At the end of the process, the grandbaby took a half dozen plastic wrapped cups home with her parents; there’s a couple in here as well. Very cool to see the two of them doing this. Balance.

Kate’s working this weekend, and I’m on call so a low key weekend for us. Different can of worms next weekend. I’ll be a few time zones away visiting another set of kids / grandkids. Kate will be sharing space and time with Chris, James, and James’ live in girlfriend. This will be the first time Kate’s long term boyfriends meet. One wonders what manner of chicanery the four of them will find themselves in…..

Thank’s for reading!! Be kind to yourself and others,

Sam & Kate