It sure seems I’m not doing a great job at the every two week cadence.  I think it’s just harder for me to write in the winter time. 

Casa Da Sam & Kate is surviving this long cold winter (cue Cinderella) I think we’ve had constant snow cover since a couple days after Christmas.  No, that’s not right, we did have a warm up in January.  Whatever, who cares.  It’s been cold and dark.  The pups and I are in walk withdrawal; it’s been too cold for the last 10 days or so for either of them to be out for more than 10 minutes.

Turns out that Billie The Wonder Puppy is possessed.  Clifford was the easiest puppy either of us have experienced; Billie is the biggest pain in the ass either of us have experienced.  Balance.  Karma.  She’s as sweet as the day is long, and really does look innocent surrounded by piles of the foam / cushion material she chewed out of the couch; one arm is chewed to the frame.  Thankfully, it’s not the main living room couch. 

Here’s an (incomplete) list of things she’s chewed in the last few days:  The couch.  Several blankets.  Multiple socks.  At least 2 of Kate’s hair brushes. A can of hairspray that she punctured and then erupted….that caught her attention.  A grandkids toast (twice).  My left pull on Muck boot.  My right pull on Muck boot.  Two of the three Chow Hound Cats.  Multiple house plants.  Several hundred chew toys intended to keep her from chewing other things.  A plate of shrimp (she’s lucky Kate didn’t kill her). The (unplugged) coffee pot power cable.

Given she’s a puppy and sleeps for appx 22 hours a day, this is pretty impressive. 

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We wear our non-monogamous lifestyle very loosely; we’re not beholden to anything (or anyone other than the two of us).

We come at it from a place of abundance, not scarcity.  It’s about Kate’s needing more of a connection with people than any one person can provide; it’s not because of anything I’m lacking or craving. 

Abundance is why we have Clifford and Billie The Wonder Dogs, and all 3 Chow Hound Cats.  This is why Kate has multiple long-term boyfriends, several now and then lovers, and always has her eye open. 

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We’re all conditioned from before we can walk. Hetero normative and mono normative relationships are crammed down our throats from damn near all sides. Part of this conditioning tells us that one man, any one man, “should” be enough for any one woman. That regardless of anything else, YOU should be able to single handed, take care of any need from any woman. There’s nothing about this that is true, it falls apart as soon as you stop and think about it.

If your wife gets sick, what do you do? You take her to the doctor; you sit in the waiting room while another man (or woman) takes care of what she needs. Did you build the vehicle used to transport her to the doctor? Pave the road? Betting a buck that you don’t do her hair. She’ll pay a man (or woman) to be in close intimate range contact with her for hours to take care of both a physical need and desire of hers, often baring her soul in the process. The list of things she needs that you can’t and don’t meet is immense. We all don’t have much trouble accepting this, but when sexual needs come up, this wall of conditioned and constructed alpha dog masculinity / toxic ego comes up and we get 50 different kinds of pissed off and butthurt.

Some women need more. More than any one man (or woman) can give them. Kate is 100% this way. She’s got a 50 year track record of demonstrating this. She doesn’t want a carbon copy of me in the other people she sees, she wants and needs the differences, the variety of humanity. There’s nothing that conditioned or prepared me for how to deal with being head over heels in love with a woman like this; it’s all the more confusing given she feels the same way about me.

We’re different people, wired for different and extremely complementary things. Kate is my abundance, abundance itself is hers. I feel whole, seen, cared for and about, valued, respected and loved.  She is and does for me what the multiple people in her life do for her.  We love each other with an open hand, not a closed fist; we support and cherish each other for who we are.  I don’t feel less than or greater than; we’re in it together as equals, tho not equally……if you’re looking at the other people in our lives as any kind of meaningful measure.  This isn’t an imbalance for us, it’s us in balance.  We are the perfect yin for the others yang.

The tendency seems to be thinking a relationship is a tit for tat thing.  If you get one, I’ve gotta get one.  That’s not how it works for us.  Kate is my abundance.  I need a woman like Kate.  She needs a man like me….and James, and Chris, and Lee…..

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There was a great post in the hotwife lifestyle sub reddit by a woman with the user name of shy_sexyy titled “I adore being manhandled.  Dominance without disrespect.” In it she says, among other things, that “It’s not about mistreatment; it’s about the thrill of imbalance, the rush of being overpowered. Dominance without disrespect.” 

The energy of dominance without disrespect just isn’t hard wired in me.  I can channel something close sometimes, but it’s not the same thing. Kate loves that energy; she likes being tossed around a bit, being used and fucked hard and well, having a man take what he wants.

I love her, I love having sex with her, drinking coffee with her, going to the store, all the things. We’re a parternership and team, we go thru all the things that life can throw at ya, and that can be a lot.

I 100% get that Kate needs more. Not more than me, just more. No one person is enough for her. She needs the spiritual connection we have, the connection grown in recovery circles and outward from there. There’s no bull or 3rd that can take my place there. Opposite side of the same coin, there’s no way I can be the dominance without disrespect energy that she adores as well.

Kate’s as bi as the day is long, and believe me when I tell you there’s no man alive who can do for her sexually what the right woman can. A guy who was blessed to gifted with a long thick cock can do thing’s for Kate that no woman or smaller man can either.  Variety. 

Why in the wide wide world of sports would anyone want to confine and sentence a woman like Kate to be with one person only? It’s about abundance, not scarcity.

I don’t feel in competition with any of Kates lovers, I’m grateful for them and regardless of if they see it or not, I know that we’re on the same team.

Our sexual lifestyle at this point is Kate centric.  I don’t “share” Kate.  She’s a human being not a possession of mine.  I support her.  I encourage her.  I don’t “reclaim” her.  We reconnect. 

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Last night, Valentine’s Day night, we went back to the hotel that hosted the first couple interracial hotel party that we ever went to; same basic group as our first IR party.  It was neat driving down and talking about how differently we feel now as opposed to the first time, I guess 18 months ago now.  Neither of us were angsty or nervous about it, it’s not old hat by any means, more our vibe.  I’ll get a post up about last night before the end of the month, scouts honor. 

It was funny this morning…..a guy Kate knew from before her and I got together (he’s black) texts her every now and then to touch base and keep options open I suppose.  He asked her if she had any chocolate for Valentines Day…..“I did” was Kate’s response…..

Thanks for reading!!  Be kind to yourself and others,

Sam & Kate