Kate is on Retreat

Sunday mornings are typically on the quiet side here at Casa Da Sam & Kate. Mornings in general are for me. I’m always the first one up. Kate is blessed with the gift of good sleep, I’m not and am usually up a couple hours before her. I’ll generally hear Clifford The Wonder Dog take my spot on the bed as I’m walking down the stairs. I do the guy make sure the house isn’t on fire thing and make my coffee. Early morning is my guitar time; I have a great headphone setup and can rock out without disturbing anyone. After a period, I’ll go back upstairs, and curl up next to Kate. She’ll make a little room and push back into me, Clifford is unimpressed, and we sleep spooning.

Kate left Thursday for a 5 day silent meditation retreat. Not much talking for her, almost none as I understand it. No phone either. I’ve had no contact with her since she got to the retreat center.

Here’s the skip over it if you already know us / introduction to us paragraph. Kate and I (Sam) are a married couple in our 50’s whose relationship is Ethically Non-Monogamous (ENM). We’re swingers, our marriage is open; we have sex with other people. We’re in a committed relationship, and somewhere on the polyamorous spectrum; Kate has a boyfriend and is a Hotwife. It’s neither of our first marriages. We met in an AA meeting; we’re each more than a decade sober now. If you’re curious about how this all works, we talk about our relationship in varying degrees of depth in other posts. We have an email address listed in our “about” page if you like to contact us.

Before we got married, before Covid, I traveled internationally for work. A lot. Didn’t matter where on the planet I was, there was communication with Kate. Some places it was more difficult than others. Antarctica was by a mile the longest and furthest trip and presented the biggest communication challenges. It may not have been always on instant, but we were able to communicate.

She traveled with me a couple times. One to California where she encountered the yoga instructor that kicked our lifestyle journey off, and on an adventure to the UK.

We’re not strangers to spending a couple nights a month apart, some of our other posts get into that. We’ll chat a little bit on those nights, we both know we’re each there.

Clearly, the BIG difference this time is the silent part. In this era of constant and instant contact with anyone at all times, this is a significant disturbance in the force.

There’s some stuff I’ve done to keep busy for sure. I’m prone to tinker with electric guitars, and the soldering iron came out yesterday. I’m also working on a couple different Zeppelin songs. Mowed 2 of the 3 lawn segments, work stuff, got Clifford out for extended big runs. I’ll get out to a meeting today.

I’ve always been blessed with the ability to I guess self sooth and be comfortable with just myself for company. I have no issue going to a movie solo. Last year Kate wasn’t feeling seeing Guns ‘n Roses again, so I went by myself. Solitary time does recharge me in a lot of ways. 5 days is a bit much tho.

Our sexual / relationship journey has been in parallel with our spiritual journey. Kate being on retreat is just the latest step in this evolution. There’s clear and intentional linkage between our spiritual path and our sexual / lifestyle path. Both are equal parts of the fabric of our relationship. We’re each doing what feels authentic to us, and while not always 100% in sync, it’s close enough. What differences we have are more than compensated for by mutual love and respect.

All that being said, I miss Kate. She’s my bubba. She’s my confidant, she’s my very best friend. I miss her physical presence, the way her eyes light up when she smiles, I miss making her coffee, I miss her voice. I miss her whining about the alarm clock. I miss the energy she brings into whatever room she’s in. I miss random texts either to or from her across the day. I miss her humor.

Our favorite BBQ joint is open for the season now. And while I didn’t miss Kate enough to not get some yesterday, I did miss her enjoying the food.

It’s a dreary cold drippy Sunday. So be it, can’t change the weather. While I do miss Kate, I’m ever so grateful that I do, and I’m sure she does as well.

Thanks for reading!! Be kind to yourself, and others!!

Sam