Living With and Loving a Proud Slut and Some of its Challenges.

I had intended to write about our adventure to Puerto Vallarta this time around, I’m gonna hold off on that for a bit. I’ve read a couple stories here on Medium over the last week that have changed my tune.

Kate and I live in the town she grew up in. She’s lived her entire life with the same phone prefix. I envy her this. I was on the road about 2 weeks after graduating high school and have led a soldier’s vagabond existence since. Kate regularly has coffee with girls she went to kindergarten with. That’s pretty cool.

Kate is a quintessential late 80’s early 90’s party girl. She’s petite, with an adorable open face that oozes mischievousness when she smiles. She’s blessed to be a touch top heavy; not Dolly Parton range, but boob wise she 100% punches above her weight class. She’s not a Vogue glamor cover girl, more Meg Ryan mixed with Cheryl Ladd. She has an infectious energy and has a way of capturing whatever room it is she walks into.

I’ve mentioned previously that Kate and I met at a 12 step meeting. We were sober buddies for years before our relationship took off. I knew from her sharing her story that she slept around….early and often as it happens.

I get this may come off as mansplaning, and sorry in advance if it does. That said, I’m married to a slut, and do have my observations about sluthood. I don’t think being a slut is determined by a number. I’d define a slut as a strong woman who’s authentically sexually empowered. She does sexuality on her terms and how it works for her. Kate is a slut who likes to fuck a variety of people. No reason someone can’t be equally slutty and have only ever had sex with one person, or none I suppose. Also, you don’t have to have a vagina to be a slut. That said, it’s pretty clear that the mainstream usage is female gendered.

Kate is slutty as the day is long. She wears it like everything else in her life, very comfortably and easily. It’s always an adventure going to the store with her; a side effect of living in the same few square miles her whole life. It’s expected that we’ll turn down an aisle at some point and she’ll whisper “I fucked him” in my ear. We joke that the line “she was loved by many” should be in her obit when that time comes. There won’t be much argument about that.

Kate’s count (we started a list last month) is at 75* as of today. Just under half (32) are from the lifestyle / Hotwife / open / her and I era. That’s the guys, girls would be a separate list. She feels, and I believe, that this isn’t complete. In the month since we’ve started it, there have been 2 grocery store encounter guys who weren’t remembered when we started the list. There will be more, I’m sure. My count is at 30; 15 of which are in the lifestyle / Hotwife / open / her and I era. We’ve been active in the lifestyle for 4 years.

*(ETA Kate’s count is 113 as of  25 July 2026; 72 of which are in the us era.).

(One guy popped into her head the other day to get to 76, then last night happened. We were out looking at some furniture, it’s that time. Well, Kate being Kate, she starts talking to the rep and gets her card. she instantly recognized the name knew she was the mom of someone she knew in high school. As we were leaving, she said, “Her son, Kieth? I fucked him in HS”. That was a new twist, and a bit more fun than the usual grocery store thing.)

I do play, and I enjoy the hell out of it when I do. Kate and I both agree that our primary dynamic is Hotwifing, with a minor in swinging.

Sidebar note that popped into my head. Guys, if you’re part of a swinging couple, see your doctor and ask about the pills. I did, and it’s probably the best thing I could have done as a swinger; consider them swinger insurance. Our experience is that a typical swing encounter is a bit more involved than a wham bam thank you ma’am thing. Without getting too far off the track, boner pills keep you in the game. You’re not Superman, and there’s nothing wrong with an assist. Especially if you’re over say 40, had a drink or two, it’s 2AM, etc etc etc. Kate has been disappointed repeatedly by the male half of swinger couples in this regard. She’s had a very different experience with single guys in the lifestyle.

***

When we first published this post, we linked to a couple of stories on Medium talking about body counts; those posts have disappeared. This article from “Sex And Psychology” by Dr. Justin Lehmiller says the same things. Most people’s body counts are in the single digits.

Kate and I were talking this morning, and we had no trouble coming up with a lot of people who are in the ballpark of the numbers in the linked article. We also know plenty of folks whose count is way above the article. Couple of things jumped out to us. First, we struggled to come up with anyone who would call themselves a slut. Second was the number of folks who have a low-ish count and are in long term pretty much sexless marriages.

I was in one for a while. My ex and I didn’t have drives that matched up very well, the last year we were together we had sex I think 3 times. I don’t think it was her fault or mine; it was ours.

Far as slut shaming goes, that’s just a shitty thing to do. People will do it tho. I heard this on a podcast the other day “Fear and anger causes you to tolerate things you would not otherwise tolerate.” I know for me, when I catch myself passing judgment on someone for whatever, it’s more likely than not because of fear or anger in me. I can tolerate a lot in my headspace when I’m afraid of something. It seems to me that people for the most part don’t understand a strong sexually empowered woman. We fear what we don’t understand or who is different from us.

Kate is a strong sexually empowered woman. There have been challenging moments in our relationship as I learned how to wrap my head around her being a slut. She’s aware, in a very non arrogant way, that she’s a smoke show; that people are drawn to her. She gets off on sharing herself with others. It’s truly a beautiful thing (sexy as hell too) to see, her reactions to people enjoying her. If you’ve ever been fortunate enough to witness a slut lost in a sexual moment, you know what I mean. It took time for me to accept that her being her didn’t mean that I was less than or not enough. Her being a slut is about her, not me.

What say you about being a slut?

Thanks for reading!! Be kind to yourself and others!!

Sam & Kate